I take a look at other people and what they're wearing, and who they are with, and the expressions on their faces and I sufocate in envy.

I admit, Im a people watcher. I always have been and I always will be. Many times, Ive been yelled at for "staring."

The thing is, I dont even know that Im staring. Im just letting my mind wonder about a certain person and "appraising" their value. Ewww. I know, Im a bad person.

But, when I find someone that I like, I get jealous. Not the insane, extreme jealous, but the kind of jealous that makes you feel self-aware and insecure.

I begin to think, "If she was me, I bet everyone would be more happy."

I mean, I guess to some extent, it's normal, but who feels threatened by a girl whom no one else even realizes exists?

Me! That's who. I think it means my self-esteem really isnt where it should be. But, Im working on it.

Anyway, let me tell you about my dreams since I love reliving them so much.

I was at a waterpark, but it wasnt really a waterpark.

It was a dam, but we all decided to have some wet'n'wild fun with it anyway.

Until, that is, I realized that it was dangerous and suggested another way home. Of course, no one listened to me and they all fell into a resevoir.

I felt bad, and when I got into town, I tried to tell people that everyone had drowned, but I forgot about it when I realized that somehow I was in Germany.

I found a little shop in which I was looking for cookies. A specific kind of cookie that I remember having when I actually lived in Germany.

They didnt have it, but soon 3 young soilders walked in the door. They were German, too. Apparently, I was one of the soldiers' girlfriends.

It was kinda scary because I had no idea who this guy was, but he was cute, so I wanted to see where it would take me.

He took me to a closet. When we got there, he asked me to take a pregnancy test and I did.

The results were positive. I was scared.

He tried to hide the facts from his grandma, but she soon found out and started hitting him over the head with a broom.

I, on the other hand, was about to die from fright. Pregnant?! Me?! From a guy I dont know? I think not.

Next thing I know, the threat of nuclear attack in inevitable and my "boyfriend" has to go off to war.

I watch his departure from the porch and begin to cry.

The end.

2003-06-11 - 7:28 p.m.
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