As I sit here alone, with the rain pouring down outside, eating popcorn and sipping Dr. Pepper, I can officially say that I have the honor of knowing the best person who has ever lived.

I woke up to a house empty of everyone who usually occupy it. I felt slightly lonely and my back wasnt enabling my mood to somehow rise. I played volleyball in the pool yesterday and I forgot to stretch. Lucky me and my lucky back can no longer bend over.

Anyway, on with the story. No one was online to talk to, I called a few houses and no one was home. Nothing was on any one of my 500+ channels. It looked like it was a day for reading and working. That's it, nothing more.

I went out to get the newspaper and discovered that the mailman had already dropped off my mail. I didn't think to look through it, seeing as how I never get mail. I just grabbed the pile and set it on my dining room table.

I, too, sat down on one of the dining room table chairs. I plopped my arms onto the table and lay my head down on them. "Pooo," I thought. Just plain poo.

As I get up to go find something less depressing to do, I knocked the letters off of the table. As I bent down to pick them up (which was not an easy task, let me tell you) I noticed a big envelope sticking out, with my name on it.

Yay for Palatine, Il!

I opened it quickly and saw that it was my C.D.

Yay for considerate people!

I looked through every single picture that had been saved on it. I read the conversations logs and as I was doing so, listened to the songs that were meant for me to hear.

I got up to get some popcorn and that really hurt my back for some reason. I guess I was just sitting for too long.

All the while that I stumbled through my kitchen whining and crying about my pathetic state to no one buy myself, a new song had started.

As I made it to my microwave, bag of popcorn in hand, pain pretty darn near excrutiating, the chorus began.

"I TAKE A LOOK AT MY ENORMOUS PENIS AND MY TROUBLES START MELTING AWAY..."

Dude. You cant imagine that laughter. It could be heard all the way down the street.

For awhile, I was so amused that I didnt even realize that the convulsions were hurting my back.

Yes, but now Im in the best mood ever. I just wish I had an enormous penis.

2003-05-31 - 12:11 p.m.
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